When I emigrated in Canada in 1993, I did because I was convinced that it was the will of the Lord. I had never dreamt of moving to Canada until a few months before I arrived in May, 1993. In fact, I didn't know anything about Canada.
I was finishing my studies and was supposed to go in an English speaking country for a placement. My first choice was going to England. I kept praying for God though to show me His will. On day as I was sitting in class, I was filled with an overwhelming sense that God did not want me to go to England but to Canada. The Holy Spirit filled me with that will and conviction. I submitted to the Lord and decided to trust Him to provide and help me do the impossible for a little nobody like me with not even financial means to back up that decision.
I left behind everything friends, family and many difficult struggles during my teenage years. I was filled with hope and some fears too. I knew I was going to do the Lord's will and live where He wanted me too. I had conscience of my "littleness" and my "sinfulness". I knew I didn't deserve the Lord's help and had no reason that He should help.
But I also knew that He had comforted me many times when I was struggling with the pains of a cervical sprain and other hurts to a deep sense of no fitting in.... There were lots of struggles inside of me and lots of hurts but I was hoping the Lord would help me heal and start fresh a useful life for Him. I was also filled with a deep sense that I would settle in Canada even if that seemed impossible for someone like me.
I was supposed to do a placement in business management. Due to the experience of the co-op students in Waterloo and the difference in curriculum between France and Canada, it was a very difficult task at hand for me.
The Lord answered my prayers in a very inusual way for a second time. I was looking at the job posting board one day and He directed my attention to a placement in a community of disabled people. Again I was filled with the Holy Spirit's conviction that it was where I was supposed to go. It was scary. I had no experience in that kind of work. It wasn't what I came to do. I wasn't sure I was up to the task. After praying for a while, I could get rid of the conviction it was God's will and decided to follow thru.
I started working there about two weeks after. I was quite reserved at that time and shy. I wasn't talking much at all. I worked in a day program with a lot of non verbal disabled (some even not able to feed themselves and using wheelchairs). Oh, how I loved them and loved being around them. The Lord knew exactly what I needed and I learned so much and had such wonderful times with them. I ended up staying for two years and was really sad to have to leave.
There I met someone and we got married. Our marriage was a very difficult one. We struggled a lot financially. There was still so much hurt inside of me and I was unable to express all these aches and pains. I knew only Jesus could make them better, had no word to share it with others because it just hurted too much. It didn't seem my husband cared in the least. I became very good at hiding how I really felt and pretending to be ok. I kept praying for the Lord to help and to heal.
Nothing seemed to work and yet I couldn't get rid of the conviction that Jesus did love me. I also couldn't see any reason He should. It seemed nobody cared how I felt...
I had a beautiful daughter and she was the joy of my life. But I was also really tired and the pregnancy had been hard.
When she was about eighteen months, I was pregnant again and going thru a very stressful time at work and at home. I was trying to get a doctor's appointment but with no success as my employer was not being cooperative.
A few months later, I ended up losing that baby and my heart was so broken that I couldn't talk about it and my husband seemed so indifferent and didn't understand at all what I was going thru. The way it happened was also so hard on me that I don't even want to talk about it even to this day. (God gave me a son a year later help me heal and I praise Him for that).
I think this is what put the last toll on our marriage as I became very depressive. I was still hanging on to the belief that God loved me despite all appearances. Around that time, I really felt lost though. I made some mistakes and was much ashame.
One day, God intervened again in my life. He made me willing to open my Bible. I read verses like John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life". I asked Him to forgive me and asked Jesus to show me the way.
From that point on, my life started to change. The kids and I went to France for one year. There I started to seriously read and study the Bible. I learned about the need of a new birth (salvation) as the only way to go to heaven. I learned about repentance and faith as the way to heaven. That Jesus is our only mediator. That He died to redeem us from our sins. That we loved Him because He first loved us. That salvation is by faith and not works. This started to bring healing to my soul. I believed and trusted Jesus for salvation back then (even if just by baby steps).
I came back to Canada again to be baptized by immersion (the way Jesus said) and join a Bapist New Testament Church. I still struggled as I learned. I still had my trials. And I still do.
What have I learned from all these trials and sufferings in my life? That they are a work of love from God in my life. I used to wonder why God would want me to suffer so much and things that sometimes felt like I couldn't overcome.
When I first came to Canada, I was very anxious, scared, confused about many things... At times, things just seemed to get worse and worse as I prayed for healing, for help from God. But today, I know this is the way God worked His salvation in my life.
Now I have peace inside of me and faith in God. I have grown so much (and especially spiritually) by God's grace in my life during those very difficult time.
Lord, please keep on working in my life for Your glory, keep working in my heart and my life and my children's life by Your grace that I might be more and more like Jesus, like who you want me to be instead of what I am. I still have many trials and pains nowadays. Lord, I commit them all to You and want to surrender all to you with no reserve. Please give me the grace to overcome by the faith in Jesus, in You and in the Holy Spirit, you implanted in my heart. Please if I hold on in some parts of my life, help me to make a complete sacrifice in all for You by Your grace. Show me the way to live for Your glory, serve You and live a life pleasant to You in every aspect. I surrender all to You once more and know I can trust You to show me the way though it is not always the one I would chose.
1. All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
2. All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)
3. All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)
4. All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)
5. All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh354.sht
I was finishing my studies and was supposed to go in an English speaking country for a placement. My first choice was going to England. I kept praying for God though to show me His will. On day as I was sitting in class, I was filled with an overwhelming sense that God did not want me to go to England but to Canada. The Holy Spirit filled me with that will and conviction. I submitted to the Lord and decided to trust Him to provide and help me do the impossible for a little nobody like me with not even financial means to back up that decision.
I left behind everything friends, family and many difficult struggles during my teenage years. I was filled with hope and some fears too. I knew I was going to do the Lord's will and live where He wanted me too. I had conscience of my "littleness" and my "sinfulness". I knew I didn't deserve the Lord's help and had no reason that He should help.
But I also knew that He had comforted me many times when I was struggling with the pains of a cervical sprain and other hurts to a deep sense of no fitting in.... There were lots of struggles inside of me and lots of hurts but I was hoping the Lord would help me heal and start fresh a useful life for Him. I was also filled with a deep sense that I would settle in Canada even if that seemed impossible for someone like me.
I was supposed to do a placement in business management. Due to the experience of the co-op students in Waterloo and the difference in curriculum between France and Canada, it was a very difficult task at hand for me.
The Lord answered my prayers in a very inusual way for a second time. I was looking at the job posting board one day and He directed my attention to a placement in a community of disabled people. Again I was filled with the Holy Spirit's conviction that it was where I was supposed to go. It was scary. I had no experience in that kind of work. It wasn't what I came to do. I wasn't sure I was up to the task. After praying for a while, I could get rid of the conviction it was God's will and decided to follow thru.
I started working there about two weeks after. I was quite reserved at that time and shy. I wasn't talking much at all. I worked in a day program with a lot of non verbal disabled (some even not able to feed themselves and using wheelchairs). Oh, how I loved them and loved being around them. The Lord knew exactly what I needed and I learned so much and had such wonderful times with them. I ended up staying for two years and was really sad to have to leave.
There I met someone and we got married. Our marriage was a very difficult one. We struggled a lot financially. There was still so much hurt inside of me and I was unable to express all these aches and pains. I knew only Jesus could make them better, had no word to share it with others because it just hurted too much. It didn't seem my husband cared in the least. I became very good at hiding how I really felt and pretending to be ok. I kept praying for the Lord to help and to heal.
Nothing seemed to work and yet I couldn't get rid of the conviction that Jesus did love me. I also couldn't see any reason He should. It seemed nobody cared how I felt...
I had a beautiful daughter and she was the joy of my life. But I was also really tired and the pregnancy had been hard.
When she was about eighteen months, I was pregnant again and going thru a very stressful time at work and at home. I was trying to get a doctor's appointment but with no success as my employer was not being cooperative.
A few months later, I ended up losing that baby and my heart was so broken that I couldn't talk about it and my husband seemed so indifferent and didn't understand at all what I was going thru. The way it happened was also so hard on me that I don't even want to talk about it even to this day. (God gave me a son a year later help me heal and I praise Him for that).
I think this is what put the last toll on our marriage as I became very depressive. I was still hanging on to the belief that God loved me despite all appearances. Around that time, I really felt lost though. I made some mistakes and was much ashame.
One day, God intervened again in my life. He made me willing to open my Bible. I read verses like John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life". I asked Him to forgive me and asked Jesus to show me the way.
From that point on, my life started to change. The kids and I went to France for one year. There I started to seriously read and study the Bible. I learned about the need of a new birth (salvation) as the only way to go to heaven. I learned about repentance and faith as the way to heaven. That Jesus is our only mediator. That He died to redeem us from our sins. That we loved Him because He first loved us. That salvation is by faith and not works. This started to bring healing to my soul. I believed and trusted Jesus for salvation back then (even if just by baby steps).
I came back to Canada again to be baptized by immersion (the way Jesus said) and join a Bapist New Testament Church. I still struggled as I learned. I still had my trials. And I still do.
What have I learned from all these trials and sufferings in my life? That they are a work of love from God in my life. I used to wonder why God would want me to suffer so much and things that sometimes felt like I couldn't overcome.
When I first came to Canada, I was very anxious, scared, confused about many things... At times, things just seemed to get worse and worse as I prayed for healing, for help from God. But today, I know this is the way God worked His salvation in my life.
Now I have peace inside of me and faith in God. I have grown so much (and especially spiritually) by God's grace in my life during those very difficult time.
Lord, please keep on working in my life for Your glory, keep working in my heart and my life and my children's life by Your grace that I might be more and more like Jesus, like who you want me to be instead of what I am. I still have many trials and pains nowadays. Lord, I commit them all to You and want to surrender all to you with no reserve. Please give me the grace to overcome by the faith in Jesus, in You and in the Holy Spirit, you implanted in my heart. Please if I hold on in some parts of my life, help me to make a complete sacrifice in all for You by Your grace. Show me the way to live for Your glory, serve You and live a life pleasant to You in every aspect. I surrender all to You once more and know I can trust You to show me the way though it is not always the one I would chose.
1. All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
Refrain:
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
2. All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
worldly pleasures all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)
3. All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)
4. All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)
5. All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!
(Refrain)
http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh354.sht
PS: I am tired as I finish this post. Please forgive me if there are mistakes. I will try to read it again and correct them tomorrow.
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