I cannot be trusted for one moment!

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The following in an excerpt from the diary of James Smith:

March, 1943.
This day my convictions of sin are deep--and my discovery of my follies is painful. It is in reference to prayer and watchfulness, that I principally fail.

How much I require to humble me, empty me, and keep me in my roper place! How often do I perceive that but for the Lord's keeping--I would be undone! I cannot be trusted for one moment! I see it, I feel it, I confess it before God; and yet if others were to say so of me, or to me--how would my pride be hurt!

What a mercy have I found the throne of grace, yesterday and today! I know not when I visited it so often. O that I was as powerfully drawn to it by love--as I am driven to it by trouble!

I feel more like a child--as to wisdom, prudence, strength, and courage--than I ever did, for I seem to have none! O that I felt as much like a child--in reference to confidence, dependence, and love to my Heavenly Father!

O that I was thoroughly holy, truly wise, really prudent--then I think I would be happy, and make others happy!

It grieves me, that I not only procure trouble to myself--but that I trouble others; and if God were to withhold His grace--I would do but little else! However, God has promised grace--and grace will pardon what it does not prevent. But the pardon is often preceded by bitter experience, arising from conviction, self-reproach, fear, darkness, bondage, and distance from God. O for preventing grace--as well as pardoning grace!

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